My journey with God started before I was born…in my mother’s womb. I am tremendously blessed because I cannot recall a time in my life when my parents didn’t serve the Lord. I joke that my dad declared as Joshua did in Chapter 24:14…but as for me and my household we will serve the Lord, and he meant it. The bible was my dad’s guide for life. Although it was unspoken in our house, it was understood as a child that you didn’t get to decide if you would or would not attend church. When the church doors opened, we were there. If the church doors did not open, we had service in our home. I have a coaster in my car that reads, I was raised on sweet tea and Jesus. It’s true. I was raised on scripture.
I grew up in the south and attended a small Baptist church where the majority of the members were relatives. My dad was the “head” deacon. In those days being a head deacon was like being the right hand of the pastor. As his children, my siblings and I had to be ready to perform in any capacity needed, to fill in the gaps when other members didn’t do their part. As a child I found being my father’s daughter very demanding. It was difficult to live up to his expectations. For a long time, I felt being a Christian was punitive. God was my parents’ God and therefore mine.
When I went away to college, it was the first time I was away from my parents. It was also the first time that I had a choice to attend or not attend church because my parents weren’t there to enforce the rule and I thought they would never know. It took me a while to build up the courage not to go to church. I still remember that Sunday morning very clearly. I didn’t go to church and I was so consumed with guilt that I spent the entire day in my dormitory room, in bed, waiting for God to punish me. I thought that I was literally going to die that day because I missed church. After surviving missing church the first time, it became easier for me to not attend church services but after a while of not attending, I found that I missed being there, and had a desire to be connected with a church congregation. As I reflect back on my journey during that phase in my life, I realize those college years were the beginning of me developing my very own personal relationship with God. Until then my connection to God was tied directly to my relationship with my parents. During college, my journey was between me and God.
After college I relocated to Springfield, IL to live with my brother and sisters. We had all grown up in the same household with the same expectations, came from the “good stock’ so we all worshipped at the neighborhood church together. It was at this church that I began actively serving in ministries because I wanted to do it. As a young adult I started to see a maturity in my relationship with God. Through life experiences I got to know him on a deeper level and begin to trust and depend on Him more. I also started to realize being a Christian required commitment from me.
Later I married my high school sweetheart. We had two sons, and at that phase in my life I couldn’t see a life that didn’t include God. I had responsibilities not just for my soul but as a parent I wanted to train my sons up in the way they should go, just as my parents had trained me. The wife and mother journey showed me how much I really needed to trust God in all thou ways, and lean not into my own understanding.
As I continued my journey, in my personal and professional life, there were times along the way that I just wanted to sit on the sidelines as an observer but that changed when I heard my nephew tell his story at a youth program. He shared that when he was asked to speak to the youth, he was apprehensive about doing it because he didn’t feel worthy but when he started to think about the goodness of the Lord and all that He had done for him, he felt obligated. His testimony was a great reminder for me that being a Christian is not a spectator sport. When I am reluctant about doing my part, I am reminded that I too have an obligation. I try not to forget this important point lest I become too comfortable on my journey.
As a child, young adult, mother, wife, baby boomer, and grandmother, I can’t recall a time on my journey when God wasn’t a part of it. Unfortunately, I didn’t always appreciate, or honor Him as I should have but because of my upbringing I have always recognized who He is. And because of who He is, I get to continue this journey until He says well done good and faithful servant, thou hast been faithful over a few things; I will make thee ruler over many things; enter thou into the joy of thy Lord. Matthew 25:23. So today I am still trying to be the person that God would have me to be as I continually seek a deeper relationship with Him, to gain greater understanding of His will and purpose for my life.
